You had a great conversation. You laughed, the energy was easy, and for a second you both forgot you were standing in a room full of strangers. And then the night ended, and you walked out with… nothing. No number, no plan, no follow-up. Just a “that was nice” and a vague hope you’ll somehow run into them again.
If that’s happened to you before, you’re in very good company. A 2026 survey from the Institute for Family Studies found that 71% of men and 79% of women said they didn’t feel confident enough to ask someone out. Knowing how to ask someone out isn’t some instinct people are just born with; it’s a skill, and most people never actually learned it.
The good news is that it’s a genuinely learnable one, and a singles event hands you the easiest possible setup to practice it.
Why Asking Someone Out Feels Harder Than It Should
Part of what makes this so uncomfortable is that most of us have almost no real practice at it. Either it’s been a while, or you’re part of a generation raised on swiping and never had to build the muscle of saying, out loud, to a real person’s face, “I’d like to see you again.” Apps outsourced that entire step to an algorithm and a message thread. So when the moment actually arrives in person, it can feel disproportionately terrifying, even though it’s really just one sentence.
The fix isn’t confidence you summon out of nowhere. It’s having a simple plan going in, so you’re not improvising the hardest part in the moment.
The Best Time to Ask Someone Out at a Singles Event
Timing matters more than people expect. A few windows tend to work better than others:
Near the natural end of your conversation, right when you can both feel it winding down, is often the easiest moment. You’re not interrupting momentum, and it gives the interaction a clear, low-stakes close either way.
As the event itself is wrapping up works well too, especially if you’ve had a few separate conversations with the same person throughout the night. There’s a natural “well, this is ending, so…” energy that makes the ask feel expected rather than out of nowhere.
What tends to backfire is waiting until everyone’s already going out the door and you’re chasing someone down in a coat check line. If you feel the moment building, don’t wait for a more “perfect” one. It rarely comes.
How to Ask Someone Out Without Overthinking It
Here’s the part that trips people up most: they treat “asking someone out” like it needs to be a whole speech. It doesn’t.
The most effective asks are short, specific, and low-pressure. A few reliable formats:
The direct-and-easy ask: “I really enjoyed talking to you tonight. Can I get your number and take you to get coffee sometime this week?”
The specific-plan ask: Instead of a vague “we should hang out,” name an actual idea. “There’s a taco place by my apartment I’ve been wanting to try. Want to check it out with me next weekend?” Specificity does a lot of the work; it shows intention and makes it easy to say yes because there’s nothing left to figure out.
The low-stakes bridge ask: If a full date feels too big a leap in the moment, “Can I get your number so we can keep talking?” is a completely valid first move. It’s a smaller step, and it still gets you the follow-up.
The common thread in all three: be clear about what you want, keep it short, and don’t apologize your way through it. Over-explaining or hedging (“this is probably weird, but…”) tends to add awkwardness rather than remove it.
What to Do If You Don’t Get Their Number That Night
Sometimes the moment doesn’t line up, the conversation gets interrupted, or nerves win. That’s not the end of the road. If the event has any kind of shared platform- an app, a group chat, a follow-up email with attendee info- use it.
A simple, friendly message goes a long way: “This is [name], we talked about [specific thing] at [event] last night, I’d love to grab coffee sometime if you’re up for it.” Referencing something specific from your conversation does two things: it jogs their memory, and it shows you were actually listening, not just running through small talk on autopilot.
If you attended a Singles Mingle event, you can always reach out to them directly and ask to be connected. All they need to do is get permission from the other person and you’re golden.
Turning a “Yes” Into an Actual Second Date
Getting the yes is only half the job. A lot of promising connections quietly die in the scheduling phase because the follow-through is vague. A few things that keep momentum going:
Reach out within a day or two. Waiting a week to “not seem too eager” usually just reads as disinterest. Prompt, casual follow-up keeps the energy from the event alive.
Propose an actual date and time, not just “we should hang out soon.” “Are you free Thursday evening?” gets you a real answer. “Let’s get coffee sometime” gets you a maybe that quietly gets forgotten.
Keep the first date low-pressure. Coffee, a casual walk, a low-key activity you already talked about at the event. You’re not planning a big event, you’re continuing a conversation that was already going well.
What to Do If They Say No
Worth naming directly, because fear of this exact moment stops a lot of people from asking at all: sometimes the answer is no, and that’s not a catastrophe.
A polite decline says nothing about your worth; it just means the fit wasn’t there. The people who get comfortable asking are, almost without exception, the same people who’ve gotten comfortable hearing no and moving on without spiraling over it. Every ask, yes or no, is practice that makes the next one easier.
Practice Makes the Ask Easier
Here’s the truth: the only real way to get better at asking someone out is to do it more, in lower-stakes settings, until it stops feeling like a huge deal.
That’s exactly why singles events are such good practice ground. You’re in a room full of people who showed up for the same reason you did, wanting to meet someone. The pressure is lower than you think, and every conversation is a small rep toward getting comfortable with the ask.
If you’ve been meaning to put this into practice and find yourself in Utah, Have You Met? Events run mixers, game nights, and many other fun activities across Salt Lake City, specifically designed to give you real conversations with real people. Come for the connection, and leave with the confidence to actually follow up on it.
